Hello! Welcome back to our second lesson.
In our previous session, we established the crucial distinction between empathetic validation and therapeutic intervention. You are not writing a book to "fix" the reader, but to make them feel profoundly seen and understood. This ethical stance is the foundation of your authorial voice.
Today, we move from the "why" to the "how." Our goal is to identify language patterns that imply medical diagnosis and rewrite them using descriptive, non-clinical emotional language. This is a practical skill that allows you to explore the deep emotional territory of your subject matter with both precision and responsibility. By avoiding the language of the clinic, you reinforce the ethical contract with your reader, building trust and ensuring they feel validated, not diagnosed.
1. Identifying and Avoiding Clinical Language
Many of the emotional phrases you've collected from online forums use diagnostic terms casually (e.g., "I'm so OCD," "spiraling," "dissociating"). While this reflects how people often talk about their feelings, your role as the author is to translate these experiences into a more careful and descriptive language. Using clinical terms, even colloquially, can inadvertently create a power dynamic where you appear to be an expert diagnosing a patient, which contradicts your book's core promise of validation.
Let's explore what constitutes harmful or inappropriate language in this context.
Words matter - compassionate language for mental health
The article 'Words matter – compassionate language for mental health' from Mental Health First Aid Australia provides excellent guidance on this topic. It explains why certain words can reinforce stigma and how to choose more supportive language.
Please read the section titled 'Harmful language?'. Pay close attention to the subsections on 'Jokes about mental health problems,' 'Dismissive language,' and especially 'Incorrect labels.' Notice the key advice: 'Diagnosis is complex and needs clinical expertise. If in doubt, ask for guidance or avoid using labels altogether. You don’t need to label a person’s experience to offer them support.'
As the article makes clear, using diagnostic labels incorrectly can minimize the experience of those with a clinical diagnosis and create misunderstanding. For your book, the principle is simple: your authorial voice should never label the reader's experience with a clinical term. Instead, your task is to describe the feeling behind the label.
2. From Telling to Showing: The Art of Emotional Description
The most effective way to avoid clinical labels is to master the writing principle of "showing, not telling."
- Telling is labeling an emotion: "She felt depressed."
- Showing is describing the experience of that emotion: "A weight settled in her chest, making each breath feel like an effort. The world outside her window seemed to be playing on a muted television, a colorful show she had no part in."
Since you're an experienced writer, the concept of "show, don't tell" is likely familiar. Here, we will apply it specifically as a tool for ethical and empathetic writing.
How to Show, Not Tell: The Complete Writing Guide
This video, 'How to Show, Not Tell: The Complete Writing Guide' by Diane Callahan, offers a superb breakdown of this technique. We'll focus on how to apply it to internal emotional states.
Please watch two key segments: 'Replace the abstract with the concrete' (07:20 - 10:09): Pay attention to the idea of replacing an abstract emotion like 'happiness' with concrete actions and details. This is exactly what we need to do for feelings like 'numbness' or 'exhaustion.' 'Show emotions through actions and thoughts' (12:12 - 15:17): This section is critical. It explains how focusing on a character's internal thought process is more powerful than relying on simple physical reactions. This aligns perfectly with your goal of exploring the inner world of burnout and loneliness.
The key insight here is that instead of labeling a state like "depression" or "anxiety," you describe its components: the thoughts, the physical sensations, the way it colors perception. This approach is not only more evocative but also more ethically sound. It allows the reader to see their own experience reflected in the details without feeling like they've been put in a diagnostic box.
Test your understanding!
Let's take a common phrase that implies a clinical state: "I feel like I'm dissociating."
Your task is to rewrite this from a "telling" statement into a "showing" passage of 2-3 sentences. Instead of using the word "dissociating" or "unreal," describe the sensation of it.
Show answer
Here is one possible approach. Your answer may vary, but it should focus on concrete sensory details and internal perception.
Example Rewrite:
"There are moments where the world goes flat, like watching a movie of my own life. I see my hands move and hear my voice speak, but the connection between the thought and the action feels distant, stretched thin. It’s as if I am a quiet observer standing just behind my own eyes."
- Why it works: It avoids the clinical term "dissociation." Instead, it uses metaphors ("watching a movie," "standing just behind my own eyes") and describes the specific internal feeling of disconnection between thought, body, and perception. It validates the experience without diagnosing it.
3. Building Your Descriptive Vocabulary
To effectively "show" these complex emotional states, you need a rich palette of descriptive language. Thinking in terms of physical sensations, internal reactions, and behavioral changes can help you translate abstract pain into concrete prose.
The following resource is an excellent thesaurus for emotional and physical pain, offering a wealth of non-clinical descriptions you can adapt for your book.
Describe It: Emotional Pain / Hurt - Descriptionary - WordPress.com
The 'Describe It: Emotional Pain / Hurt' entry from the Descriptionary blog is a practical toolkit for writers. It breaks down emotional pain into observable and internal descriptions.
Explore this resource in three parts: First, review the 'Types of Emotional Pain / Reactions To Emotional Pain' section. Notice how it defines states like Loneliness, Numbness / Disassociation, and Tiredness / Exhaustion by their core feeling and potential outcome, not as disorders. Next, read the 'Internal Reactions' section. These phrases ('He tried to inhale, and the air stalled halfway,' 'A hollow open under his sternum') are perfect examples of showing internal states without labeling them. Finally, read the 'Impact on Mind' section. This gives you language to describe the cognitive side of emotional pain, such as brain fog or rumination, in a narrative way.
Think of this resource as a bridge. On one side, you have the raw, often clinical-sounding phrases from your research. On the other, you have the empathetic, descriptive prose of your book. This resource provides the building blocks to construct that bridge, allowing you to honor the truth of the feeling while translating it into safe, validating language.
For instance, a phrase from your list like “I don’t even feel real lately” (related to dissociation) can be translated using descriptions from the resource:
- From "Eyes": "She looked through people as though they were nothing but scenery."
- From "Internal Reactions": "The floor tilted even as his body remained still."
- From "Walking": "They walked as though they were drifting, not feeling the ground."
By weaving these kinds of sensory details together, you create a mosaic of the feeling that is far more powerful and relatable than the label itself.
Conclusion
In this lesson, we've moved from abstract ethical principles to the concrete craft of sentence-writing. You now have a clear method for honoring the emotional truths your readers experience while upholding your ethical commitment to validate, not diagnose.
Key Takeaways:
- Avoid Diagnostic Labels: In your authorial voice, consciously avoid using clinical terms like "depression," "anxiety," "OCD," or "trauma" to label the reader's experience.
- Translate with "Showing, Not Telling": Instead of naming an emotion, describe its physical, sensory, and cognitive components. Focus on the lived experience.
- Build a Descriptive Vocabulary: Use resources and your own writer's intuition to find language that captures the feeling of burnout, loneliness, or numbness in a visceral way.
- This Practice is Both Ethical and Effective: It protects your reader and deepens the emotional impact of your writing, making them feel truly seen.
In our next lesson, we will take this principle of clarity one step further. We will formulate a clear 'scope of practice' statement for your book's introduction to manage reader expectations from the very first page. This will explicitly frame the book's promise and ensure the reader understands the supportive, non-clinical nature of the journey you are inviting them on.