Developmental Editing for Commercial vs. Literary Fiction

1. The Developmental Editor's Perspective

Before we dive into the excerpts, let's quickly refresh our memory on the scope and format of developmental editing. A developmental edit is the first, most comprehensive stage, focusing on the "big picture" of a manuscript.

To review the key areas a developmental editor assesses, please watch this short segment.

The feedback from this analysis is typically delivered in an editorial letter, a detailed document that summarises the editor's assessment and provides guidance for revision. It's a critical tool for author communication.

Let's look at how to frame this feedback professionally. The following resource provides excellent, concrete examples of sentences you might find in an editorial letter.

With these concepts in mind, you're ready to put on your developmental editor hat.

2. Practical Exercise 1: Editing Commercial Fiction

Our first subject is a classic example of commercial fantasy. As we discussed, commercial fiction prioritizes plot, pacing, and delivering on genre expectations. Your job as an editor is to ensure the story is a thrilling, page-turning experience.

Here is the opening of Brandon Sanderson's Mistborn: The Final Empire:

“Kelsier had heard stories. He had heard whispers of times when once, long ago, the sun had not been red. Times when the sky hadn’t been clogged by smoke and ash, when plants hadn’t struggled to grow and when skaa hadn’t been slaves. Times before the Lord Ruler. Those days, however, were nearly forgotten. Even the legends were growing vague.”

Your Task:
Read the excerpt and consider it from a developmental editor's perspective. Focus on the priorities for commercial fiction. Ask yourself:

• Hook: Does the opening grab the reader's attention? How?
• Pacing & Plot: Does it create forward momentum? What questions does it raise to make the reader want to know more?
• Stakes & Conflict: What initial hints of conflict and stakes are presented? Is the primary antagonist introduced?
• World-Building: How efficiently is the world introduced? What key details establish the setting?

My Analysis:

This is a strong opening for a commercial fantasy novel, and as an editor, I would first highlight its strengths. However, the goal of a developmental edit is to elevate the work, so my feedback would focus on potential areas for refinement.

• Strengths:

  • The opening lines immediately establish a bleak, oppressive world ("red sun," "clogged by smoke and ash," "skaa... slaves"). This is efficient world-building that hooks the reader with mystery.
  • It introduces a clear antagonist ("the Lord Ruler") and a central conflict: a grim present versus a mythic, better past. This sets up a clear desire for change.
  • The line "Even the legends were growing vague" effectively raises the stakes—if something doesn't happen soon, all hope will be lost. This creates urgency.

• Developmental Feedback (Concerns/Suggestions):

  • While effective, the opening relies heavily on telling rather than showing. An editor might suggest grounding the information more in the character's immediate experience. For example, instead of just stating that Kelsier "had heard stories," the narrative could open with him observing a direct consequence of the Lord Ruler's reign—perhaps seeing the ash fall on a struggling skaa worker. This would make the world feel more immediate and visceral.
  • The feedback might look something like this, drawing from the style in the Rachelle Gardner article: “This opening establishes the core conflict well, but it remains at a distance. Consider opening with a more active scene that demonstrates the harsh reality of the Lord Ruler’s reign, allowing the reader to experience the world through Kelsier’s senses rather than through exposition. We can weave in the details about the forgotten legends as he reflects on what he sees.”

This type of feedback respects the author's intent while pushing for a more engaging execution, which is key for commercial fiction.

3. Practical Exercise 2: Editing Literary Fiction

Now, let's shift our focus to literary fiction. Here, the priorities change. We are less concerned with a fast-paced plot and more interested in character interiority, theme, and the quality of the prose.

Here is the opening of George Saunders' Lincoln in the Bardo:

“On our wedding day I was forty-six, she was eighteen. Now, I know what you are thinking: older man (not thin, somewhat bald, lame in one leg, teeth of wood) exercises the marital prerogative, thereby mortifying the poor young— But that is false. That is exactly what I refused to do, you see. On our wedding night I clumped up the stairs, face red with drink and dance, found her arrayed in some thinnish thing an aunt had forced her into, silk collar fluttering slightly with her quaking—and could not do it.”

Your Task:
Read this excerpt with the priorities for literary fiction in mind.

• Voice & Character: What does the prose style reveal about the narrator's personality, self-awareness, and inner conflicts?
• Interiority: How does the author grant us access to the character's internal state?
• Theme: What themes (e.g., regret, societal expectation, morality) are introduced?
• Prose: How does the language itself—the sentence structure, word choice, parenthetical asides—contribute to the overall effect?

My Analysis:

This opening is characteristic of literary fiction. It immediately plunges the reader into a complex and distinctive character's mind.

• Strengths:

  • Voice: The voice is incredibly strong and unique. The narrator is self-conscious ("I know what you are thinking"), defensive, and surprisingly vulnerable. The parenthetical "(not thin, somewhat bald...)" is a masterstroke of characterization, revealing his insecurities in a poignant, slightly humorous way.
  • Interiority: We are immediately inside his head, privy to his justifications and memories. The conflict isn't external; it's the internal battle between societal expectation, his own desires, and his conscience.
  • Prose: The style is deliberate and noticeable. The run-on sentences and interruptions mimic a genuine, slightly flustered train of thought. This isn't "transparent" prose; the language is a key part of the experience.

• Developmental Feedback (Concerns/Suggestions):

  • For a literary manuscript like this, an editor's feedback would focus less on "fixing" and more on "deepening." The primary concern isn't clarity or pace, but whether the author is fully realizing the character's complexity.
  • An editor might ask probing questions: “The narrator's voice is the strongest element here. My main question is about his motivation for refusing to ‘exercise the marital prerogative.’ Is it pity, a genuine moral stance, or something else? As you revise, ensure his internal monologue explores this ambiguity further. The power of this opening lies in the reader trying to understand the precise nature of his character.”
  • Another point might be: “The direct address to the reader (‘I know what you are thinking’) is a bold choice that works well to establish his defensive posture. Let’s track this throughout the manuscript to ensure it’s used purposefully and doesn’t become a crutch that over-explains his state of mind.”

Notice how the feedback for the literary piece is more about asking questions to deepen the psychological exploration, while the feedback for the commercial piece was about improving the delivery of plot and world-building information.

4. From Analysis to Action: The Editorial Letter

Now, let's practice structuring this feedback as you would in an editorial letter. A good letter is organized, constructive, and balances praise with suggestions.

For this exercise, please review the structure of a sample editorial letter.

Imagine you were writing a mini-editorial letter for the two excerpts we analyzed. Based on the model in the article, your feedback could be structured like this:

For the Mistborn excerpt:

• Plot & Pacing:
  • Strengths: You do an excellent job establishing the central conflict and antagonist in the opening paragraphs, creating immediate intrigue. The sense of a forgotten history raises the stakes effectively.
  • Concerns: The opening is conveyed primarily through exposition. To increase reader immersion, consider grounding these world-building details in the protagonist's immediate sensory experience. Showing the effects of the "red sun" and "ash" will have a stronger impact than summarizing them.

For the Lincoln in the Bardo excerpt:

• Character:
  • Strengths: The narrator’s voice is exceptionally strong and distinctive from the very first sentence. The use of parenthetical asides and direct address brilliantly reveals his insecurities and establishes a deep sense of interiority.
  • Concerns: The narrator’s core motivation for his actions on his wedding night is compellingly ambiguous. As you move forward, the key will be to explore this internal conflict without resolving it too easily. What are the specific emotions at play—pity, moral conviction, fear? Ensuring the subsequent chapters unpack this complexity will be crucial to the novel's success.

This structured approach helps the author understand what is working while providing clear, actionable steps for revision.

Conclusion

In this lesson, you moved from theory to practice, applying your knowledge to give distinct developmental feedback to two very different styles of fiction.

Key Takeaways:

• Feedback Must Match Intent: Your editorial priorities must align with the goals of the manuscript. For commercial fiction, focus on pace, plot, and clarity. For literary fiction, focus on voice, character depth, and thematic resonance.
• Commercial Feedback is about Engagement: Suggestions often aim to make the story more immersive, suspenseful, and page-turning.
• Literary Feedback is about Exploration: Feedback often takes the form of questions designed to help the author deepen their exploration of character and theme.
• Structure is Key: Organizing feedback into a clear, constructive format like an editorial letter (with strengths and concerns) is essential for effective author communication.

In our next lesson, we will shift genres again. You will learn to evaluate a narrative nonfiction excerpt for factual accuracy, narrative structure, and adherence to genre conventions, adding another layer to your editorial toolkit.