Introduction
Welcome to your next lesson. In our previous session, we established the functional difference between dramatizing an event ("showing") and summarizing it ("telling"). We framed this not as a vague artistic preference but as a technical choice about controlling time and psychic distance to serve the story's needs. You learned when to use each mode.
Today, we transition from the when to the how. The learning outcome for this lesson is to apply the principle of 'Show, Don't Tell' by converting abstract emotional statements into concrete actions or sensations.
We will approach this as an engineering problem. An abstract statement like "She was sad" is an unsubstantiated claim. Your task as a writer is to provide the reader with concrete, observable evidence—data points from the character's physical and sensory experience—that proves the claim without you ever having to state it. This process of translation is one of the most powerful tools for creating reader immersion.
1. The Core Mechanic: From Abstract Claim to Concrete Evidence
The fundamental principle is this: readers are more persuaded by evidence they interpret themselves than by conclusions you hand to them.
- Telling is stating a conclusion: "The character is angry."
- Showing is presenting the evidence: "His jaw tightened, and he deliberately placed his fork on the table, the tines making no sound against the ceramic."
A useful diagnostic tool for this is what writer Jeff Gerke calls the "Can the camera see it?" test. A camera cannot film "sadness" or "joy." It can, however, film a person's shoulders slumping, a tear tracing a path through dust on their cheek, or their lips breaking into an uncontainable grin.
To begin, let's watch a segment of a video that provides excellent "before and after" examples of this conversion process.
How to Show, Not Tell: The Complete Writing Guide
The video 'How to Show, Not Tell' by Diane Callahan offers a very practical guide to this technique. We'll focus on the section that deals directly with replacing abstract concepts with concrete, visualizable details.
Watch from 07:20 to 10:09. Pay close attention to how abstract emotions like 'happiness' or abstract qualities like 'eerie' and 'cold' are translated into specific, physical actions and sensory experiences.
As the video illustrates, the process involves two key steps:
- Identify the abstract concept (e.g., happiness, cold, eerie).
- Replace it with concrete details that imply the concept (e.g., jumping over a gate, nose burning in frigid air, a hum like the cries of dead children).
This chart provides a useful set of common translations from abstract feeling to concrete physical manifestation. Think of it as a reference table.
2. A Four-Step Process for Converting Emotion
Let's systematize this conversion. When you find yourself stating an emotion, you can use the following steps to translate it into a more powerful, shown equivalent.
Step 1: Externalize with Physical Action
This is the most direct method. Instead of stating the feeling, describe a physical action that is a direct result of that feeling.
The article 'Show, Don't Tell' from The Novelry provides an excellent, clear example of converting a simple statement of fear into a sequence of actions.
Read the introductory section, 'Show, don’t tell: what’s the difference?' Focus on the 'Johnny was scared of the dog' example. Analyze how the abstract 'scared' is broken down into concrete actions: eyeing the dog, tugging a skirt, positioning himself behind someone.
Step 2: Internalize with Physiological Sensation
Sometimes, emotions are too big or too internal for a simple action. In these cases, show the character's involuntary physiological response. This pulls the reader deeper into the character's internal experience.
For this, we'll return to the same article, which has a superb example of dramatizing jealousy and despair.
Let's continue with the 'Show, Don't Tell' article. The next section provides a masterclass in converting a told emotional state into visceral, physical sensations.
Read section 2, 'Characters’ feelings.' Contrast the 'Telling' example ('I looked at Peter... with a raging jealousy') with the 'Showing' example. Note the specific physical sensations used as evidence: 'the beat of my heart through my shirt,' 'Spots danced in my vision,' 'remembered to breathe again.'
Step 3: Demonstrate Through Thought
As you know from your computer science background, a process often reveals more than its final output. The same is true for emotion. Instead of stating the emotional conclusion ("Mary was terrified"), you can show the thought process that leads to terror. This creates a more nuanced and immersive experience.
How to Show, Not Tell: The Complete Writing Guide
Let's return to the 'How to Show, Not Tell' video. This next segment demonstrates how to move beyond generic body language to show deep emotional nuance by dramatizing a character's thought process.
Watch from 12:12 to 15:17. Pay close attention to the 'before' and 'after' example of Mary and the baby. The 'before' version tells us about her heart leaping and stomach rolling. The 'after' version shows us her specific, panicked train of thought, which is far more effective and specific.
The video makes a critical point: Thoughts lead to emotions, and emotions lead to actions. By showing the character's thoughts and actions, you empower the reader to deduce the emotion for themselves.
Step 4: Reveal Through Dialogue and Subtext
How a character speaks—or what they avoid speaking about—is powerful evidence of their emotional state. Instead of using adverbs in dialogue tags (e.g., "she said angrily"), show the anger through word choice, sentence fragments, or associated physical actions.
For a final example from "Show, Don't Tell":
- Telling:
'How could you do this to me?’ Matt said angrily. - Showing:
'How could you do this to me?’ Matt said, pacing from one side of the room to the other.
The pacing is the evidence of the anger. The dialogue carries the explicit meaning, while the action provides the emotional subtext.
Test your understanding!
Take the following "told" statement and convert it into a "shown" paragraph. Try to use at least two of the four methods we've discussed (Action, Sensation, Thought, Dialogue).
Told Statement: "She was nervous before her big presentation."
Show answer
Here is one possible conversion:
Shown Paragraph:
Her slides, finalized a week ago, swam on the laptop screen. Is that typo new? It must be. She clicked through them one last time, her thumb slick with sweat against the trackpad. A cold knot formed in her stomach, tightening with the muffled sound of the audience filling the auditorium. She took a sip of water, but her throat was too tight to swallow properly. When her colleague patted her on the back and said, "You'll be great," she could only manage a tight, brief nod, her eyes fixed on the stage door.
Breakdown:
- Thought: "Is that typo new? It must be." (Shows irrational fixation driven by anxiety).
- Sensation: "thumb slick with sweat," "cold knot formed in her stomach," "throat was too tight."
- Action: Clicking through slides repeatedly, being unable to swallow, giving a tight nod instead of speaking.
- Dialogue (as a prompt): Her inability to respond naturally to her colleague's encouragement shows her internal state.
3. A Diagnostic Toolkit for Revision
When you are editing your work, you need a systematic way to find and fix instances of "telling." Here is a simple diagnostic process.
- Search for Emotion Words: Do a text search for abstract emotion and feeling words (
happy,sad,angry,nervous,excited,regret,love,hate, etc.). Each instance is a flag. It might be a necessary "tell," but it warrants investigation. Could you replace it with evidence? - Search for "Thought" Verbs: As author Chuck Palahniuk advises, be wary of filter words that tell the reader a conclusion. Search for
thinks,knows,understands,realizes,believes,wants. Instead of saying "She realized he was lying," show the evidence that leads to the realization: "He wouldn't meet her eye. And she noticed, for the first time, the faint tremor in his hand as he reached for his glass." - Search for Adverbs in Dialogue Tags: Search for "-ly" adverbs next to "said," "asked," or "replied." These are almost always a shortcut. Delete the adverb and add a physical beat of action that conveys the same information.
Conclusion
Today we have broken down "Show, Don't Tell" into a repeatable, mechanical process. It is not a mysterious art but a technical skill of translation.
Key Takeaways:
- "Telling" is making a claim; "Showing" is providing the evidence. Your goal is to provide concrete, sensory data (actions, physiological sensations, specific thoughts) that allows the reader to logically infer the character's abstract emotional state.
- You have a multi-faceted toolkit for this conversion: You can use physical action, internal sensation, dramatized thought processes, and dialogue subtext.
- Revision can be systematic: You can actively hunt for and replace abstract emotion words, "thought" verbs, and dialogue adverbs to strengthen your prose.
Preview of the Next Lesson
Having mastered the technique of showing emotion at the sentence and paragraph level, we are now ready to scale up. The emotions you show must happen for a reason, driven by the character's pursuit of a goal. In our next lesson, we will begin our study of scene mechanics, starting with the engine that drives every scene: stating a scene's goal as a concrete, immediate objective for the point-of-view character.